that’s precisely what makes me who I am, with a circle this small, wings obviously so short, and a mind so severely self-censoring,
staying where no one else perhaps would, persevering for way longer than anyone perhaps should,
does that make me dormant, naive and unambitious, insecure or broken, pathetic? obsessive, unintelligent, dumb or weak, severely lacking self respect? there is no end to the list of reductionist labels that intimidate and yet, scream ‘valid’.
Or can it be instead that I’m single-hearted and affectionate, worthy of my human label?
Now, how do I explain my tendency to be so indecisive and unassertive, is that to be blamed on poor self esteem? lack of vision?
Or is it perhaps proof of how small and unaware one is in the grand scheme of the universe and everything it carries within its past, present and entire shimmering existence,
why have I been molded into an explanation machine? To constantly bear the pressure of thinking critically, articulating my ideas, defending my tendencies. turn into a self-critical trainwreck heading for its explosion.
I will certainly keep floating, uncertain, unsettled, always searching.
let that keep me a lost stranger.